Today is my birthday, and it is a wonderful thing.
I turned 37 last night, sound asleep next to Matt, after a quiet day at home getting things done for the house, reading the Sunday paper, and sharing a sweet meal (he cooked and cleaned-- a major, blessed treat). Church was about"grace" and the concept of receptivity to beauty and wonder and light.
This birthday I feel very graced with blessings, and grateful for whatever is to come. I also feel unmoored. In the past 24 hours I've gotten many "Happy Birthday" wishes from family, friends, and that confused new category--facebook friends.
Now don't get me wrong (blessings, grace, blessings, grace) I know how lucky I am on every level--simply to have a computer and the time to facebook is a gift probably only 1% of humanity can take for granted. But combined with the large percentage of my facebook-friends who I know--primarily--through my work at the restaurant and the fact that I published a novel, there are also a lot of "Happy Birthday, When will the next novel come out?" emails in the queue.
It's a bit demoralizing that I don't have news about the new novel (the one that's out in agents and publishers hands) to share. Last night I said to Matt, "I hope my birthday comes with happy novel news." And I hope it does.
So my birthday promise this year is to be thankful for every victory and misstep, every success and failure, every attempt and every pause. And to be utterly, unabashedly grateful for every "Happy Birthday" that comes my way.
Happy June 30th to all.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Joy
I almost can't describe the degree to which I love The Vanishing Act of Esme Lennox. I love books regularly -- in just the last three weeks I've devoured Finn and The Secret River and The Monsters of Templeton. I've loved moments in each of them. Characters. Narrative verve. But I haven't wholly and utterly fallen for a novel the way I have for Esme in a long time. Here's what I wrote on goodreads.com.
6/20/08 I've only dipped my toe into the still, warm waters of this novel, but I'm thrilled. By the simple, realistic, yet stunning concept, and by the incredibly fine-tuned prose. You can see everything.6/23/08Now I'm hurting because I've passed the halfway mark and cannot stand the thought of finishing. I've actually found myself slowing down, not reading another section, pulling away, so as not to miss a thing, or let it move to fast. I'm absolutely in love.6/24/08And the twist I can't bear, wasn't expecting, and somehow knew must happen has arrived. I jaw literally dropped agape. I could not love this novel more. And the fact that I have only 35 pages left makes me want to cry.
6/20/08 I've only dipped my toe into the still, warm waters of this novel, but I'm thrilled. By the simple, realistic, yet stunning concept, and by the incredibly fine-tuned prose. You can see everything.6/23/08Now I'm hurting because I've passed the halfway mark and cannot stand the thought of finishing. I've actually found myself slowing down, not reading another section, pulling away, so as not to miss a thing, or let it move to fast. I'm absolutely in love.6/24/08And the twist I can't bear, wasn't expecting, and somehow knew must happen has arrived. I jaw literally dropped agape. I could not love this novel more. And the fact that I have only 35 pages left makes me want to cry.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
This Week
Another mid-week without word from any of the four agents, or the editor at my old publishing house, who are considering my new novel.
It's a mixed bag, this lack of response. One one hand, there is a relief that comes with silence--a cessation of anxiety, a freedom to dream of new stories, new projects, new work. On the other hand, it's too easy to wonder what it all means. Is the manuscript being read carefully? Or have some agents read it, and are considering thoughtfully whether to take me on? Or, has it been considered and discarded, leaving me in limbo evermore?
Luckily, I'm not as dramatic as all that, but I do wonder when, and what, I'll hear about The Tree Museum. Is it going to find a life outside my computer and the kind hands of friends? Do I dive back into it and refresh it in the hopes of sending it back out, or do I let it sit, and let it go, and instead discover just what Nina (a new character) is going to do with Peter (her best friend's husband) after all?
That certainly feels more titillating than all this sitting around.
It's a mixed bag, this lack of response. One one hand, there is a relief that comes with silence--a cessation of anxiety, a freedom to dream of new stories, new projects, new work. On the other hand, it's too easy to wonder what it all means. Is the manuscript being read carefully? Or have some agents read it, and are considering thoughtfully whether to take me on? Or, has it been considered and discarded, leaving me in limbo evermore?
Luckily, I'm not as dramatic as all that, but I do wonder when, and what, I'll hear about The Tree Museum. Is it going to find a life outside my computer and the kind hands of friends? Do I dive back into it and refresh it in the hopes of sending it back out, or do I let it sit, and let it go, and instead discover just what Nina (a new character) is going to do with Peter (her best friend's husband) after all?
That certainly feels more titillating than all this sitting around.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Raised Pinkies and the Brains
OK, that title is a stretch, but I'm currently bemused by the recent scientific finding that proves, somewhat definitively, that the brains of homosexuals are different from heterosexual brains. It's a neurological study, not psychological, so it really is the brains we're talking about, and what's been found is that -- for certain brain structures -- the male homosexual brain is closer to a female heterosexual's than to its straight male counterpart. (Try writing this without constantly reusing the same few words!) Similarly, the heterosexual male and lesbian brains are in many ways alike.
What does this prove? Perhaps nothing, but perhaps quite a bit. More and more evidence is confirming that "gay" is inherent rather than learned.
Which begs a few questions: Does this mean people will someday be able to select for (or, more likely, against) the 'gay' gene? Does this mean that hormones present in the womb are "to blame"? (Or to applaud?)
And why, selfishly, does this just seem to confirm that there's a reason I was always most comfortable working for, and with women? That I was a fundraiser, and am now in communications, and can't conceive of accounting or business or sports? It's not my emotive mother and sister? It's not the fault of the divorce?
So, no real revelations here, except that who I am is who I've always been, which I could have told you from my toddling memories of rapturous adoration of the male lifeguards at the pool.
But it is somehow comforting to know that if we are born this way, we are inevitably part of God's plan. That does feel good.
And hopefully will help sway some of those "God's-plan"-ers who have such a hard time with the homosexuals in their midst.
What does this prove? Perhaps nothing, but perhaps quite a bit. More and more evidence is confirming that "gay" is inherent rather than learned.
Which begs a few questions: Does this mean people will someday be able to select for (or, more likely, against) the 'gay' gene? Does this mean that hormones present in the womb are "to blame"? (Or to applaud?)
And why, selfishly, does this just seem to confirm that there's a reason I was always most comfortable working for, and with women? That I was a fundraiser, and am now in communications, and can't conceive of accounting or business or sports? It's not my emotive mother and sister? It's not the fault of the divorce?
So, no real revelations here, except that who I am is who I've always been, which I could have told you from my toddling memories of rapturous adoration of the male lifeguards at the pool.
But it is somehow comforting to know that if we are born this way, we are inevitably part of God's plan. That does feel good.
And hopefully will help sway some of those "God's-plan"-ers who have such a hard time with the homosexuals in their midst.
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