Raison D'etre

I started the blogging "process" without a clear plan of the reason for beginning a blog. Is my goal simply journaling? Am I writing about movies? Books? Writing? What?

In the last few days, I've wanted to comment on my own developing novel, the fact that we didn't watch HEROES last night, our trip to--and participation in--the Miss Adams Morgan pageant on Saturday night, and how much guilt I feel for (a) not writing more, (b) not being interested in my new writing class, (c) not calling my Dad, and (d) not being as fully engaged with my neice and nephew as I could be. (Matt's mad at me for that last one, and very sweetly protective. Still, I do wish I was making more time for them despite this hectic life.)

It reminds me: When I first quit my job, almost 9 years ago now, to try my hand and writing and move to the beach, I worked hard to rewire my own mentality. Specifically, I eliminated the word "should." I figured (or read, I'm not sure) that "should" was an invalid construct. By simply replacing it with a two-tiered mental process, guilt and inaction could be defeated.

It works like this.

"I should spend more time with my neice and nephew."

Now, replace should with can or can't.

Clearly, despite how crowded life feels, it is technically within my power to see more of them.

So: "I can spend more time with my neice and nephew." (Had the answer been can't that would have been nice and clear too.)

Now the question becomes, will I or won't I?

And the powerlessness goes away.

My answer to the new question--will I spend more time with them?--must be "Yes." So now it's merely the matter of finding out how.

A call to my sister is in order. A temporary raison d'etre!