Matt is 100% supportive, and even having some fun with it - making some notes of things we'll talk about when I talk again, "blocking three hours" tomorrow to hear what I have to say. Last night I even nervously asked him if I was crazy for doing this (something I'd never have done back in my Ptown/post-Ptown artist days) and he shut the self-doubt down for me. Told me it was great, and valuable. Reminded me that his parents have both done silent retreats all their lives as they search for insight. While I don't aspire to follow his parents footsteps, I'm reminded again how incredibly lucky I am to have him.
But beyond the silence, I don't have a real goal for today, which causes me to clench up a bit. Because if I'm taking a day for myself (note to self: why the word "taking"?) don't I then have a responsibility to pay it forward with art, or fitness, or organization, or capital-P "peace"?
Or can I just try this not-so-easy day of silence out, and see what follows? (See Christa again, #s 1, 2 and 5).
So today is about feeling the day as it comes. I do have an organizing project in mind; I'm daunted by Day 3 of no soda (my only official resolution); excited to finish the novel I'm reading and start reviewing a friend's manuscript. I even put in some time for work last night, so I could truly sign off from all communications today. Matt and I kissed goodbye, and I think today was the first time he said "I love you" when I didn't say it back. I'll have to tell him extra tomorrow, in trade. :)
The organizing project has also reacquainted me with some old stories and made me miss a few of my characters again: this week, it's the Gare du Nord ladies and Nate Wheeler and his stepdad.
But, again, today's goal is simply silence. It's one I'm excited to have underway.
Alex
PS: Anyone know of a non-religious silent retreat, maybe out in nature, I could try?
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